So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Houston, we have a squirter
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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