Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
