this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
