I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
