I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
