went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
