I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
