He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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