I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
