good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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