how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
