listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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