im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
