my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
