i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fuck appropriateness.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
