im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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