fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
