new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
