fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
