I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
