dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
