I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
