Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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