I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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