they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
