I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
