even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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