i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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