Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
