it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
