Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
