They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
