God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
