i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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