so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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