so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
