Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
