My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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