Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
