If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
