how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
