you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
