so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
