Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
