and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
