you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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