oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
