Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
