....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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