Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
