im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
