I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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